The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society

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  THE

  LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE,

  AND

  MANUAL OF POLITENESS.

  A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.

  CONTAINING

  FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION;
  RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST
  IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING
  PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER
  WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS
  ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION
  OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

  AND ALSO

  USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS
  AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.

  BY

  FLORENCE HARTLEY,

  AUTHOR OF THE "LADIES' HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK."

  BOSTON:
  G. W. COTTRELL, PUBLISHER,
  36 Cornhill.


  Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by

  G. G. EVANS,

  in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of
  Pennsylvania.




INTRODUCTION.


In preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down as the
first rule, "Do unto others as you would others should do to you." You
can never be rude if you bear the rule always in mind, for what lady
likes to be treated rudely? True Christian politeness will always be the
result of an unselfish regard for the feelings of others, and though you
may err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never be
impolite.

Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression, in
graceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness consists in
a certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which are meant both to
please others and ourselves, and to make others pleased with us; a still
clearer definition may be given by saying that politeness is goodness of
heart put into daily practice; there can be no _true_ politeness without
kindness, purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility.

Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to conceal
bad passions and impulses, and to make a show of possessing virtues not
really existing in the heart; thus, that politeness is merely hypocrisy
and dissimulation. Do not believe this; be certain that those who
profess such a doctrine are practising themselves the deceit they
condemn so much. Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly a
lady, one must carry the principles into every circumstance of life,
into the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forget
to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they find too
much trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite and call it
deceitfulness.

True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those possessing
that heart will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may not
enter a crowded saloon gracefully; they may be entirely ignorant of the
_forms_ of good society; they may be awkward at table, ungrammatical in
speech; but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound the
feelings of another; they will never be seen making others uncomfortable
by seeking solely for their own _personal_ convenience; they will always
endeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will be
self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, _polite_.
Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society,
teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life, and you have a
_lady_, created by God, only indebted for the _outward_ polish to the
world.

It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and courtesy,
but when there is no heart in the work, the time is frittered away on
the mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and customs of society, and
this politeness seeks only its own ends; to be known as courteous,
spoken of as lady-like, and not beloved as unselfish and womanly.

Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed and will
exist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares not approach his
ignorant, barbarous ruler without certain forms and ceremonies, to the
most polished courts in Europe, or the home circles of America,
etiquette reigns.

True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart, the same in
all these varied scenes and situations, but the outward forms of
etiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the same scene, time will alter
every form, and render the exquisite polish of last year, obsolete
rudeness next year.

Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot exist where
there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth. It is founded
upon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be beloved, and to show love.
Thus, where such pure, noble feelings do not exist, the mere forms of
politeness become hypocrisy and deceit.

Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends.

Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be charitable,
for all need charity.