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THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A MONKEY
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FOUND AND PICTURED BY HY. MAYER
VERSES BY ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE
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NEW YORK R. H. RUSSELL
MDCCCXCVII
Copyright 1897
BY
ROBERT HOWARD RUSSELL
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PART FIRST.
THE DEPARTURE FROM THE FOREST.
Where the light laughs in through the tree-tops
And sports with the tangled glade,
In the depths of an Afric forest
My earliest scenes were laid.
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In a bower that was merry with smilax
From the grimace of no-where, I woke
I was born on the first day of April
And they called me a jungle joke.
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[Illustration]
And the voices of birds were about me--
And the beat and the flutter of wing;
While morning returned at the trumpet
Of Tusky, our elephant king.
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My nurse was a crooning old beldame
Who gazed in the palms of my hands
And vowed I was destined to travel
In many and marvellous lands.
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But little I heeded her croaking,
For I gamboled the whole day long,
And swung by my tail from the tree-top,
Or joined in the jungle song.
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THE SONG OF THE JUNGLE.
_The Elephant:_
Oh, I am the lord of the forest and plain!
_The Lion, Tigers, etc.:_
And we are the beasts that acknowledge your reign!
_The Birds:_
And we are the minstrels that come at your call!
_The Monkeys:_
And we are the jesters that laugh at you all!
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_Chorus, All--_
_Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!_
_The tribes of the jungle are we--_
_Our home is the darksome wilderness_
_That never a man shall see._
_The Elephant:_
Oh, the jungle was meant and was made for my will!
_The Lions, Tigers, etc.:_
For the sport of the chase and the zest of the kill!
_The Birds:_
For the beating of wings and the echo of song!
_The Monkeys:_
For gambol and grimace the whole season long!
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_Chorus, All:_
_Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Oh, yes!_
_For all of the tribes that be_
_With homes in the tangled wilderness_
_That never a man shall see._
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But, alas, for the boasts of the jungle!
The men came among us one day,
And one with a box that made music
Enticed foolish monkeys away.
The birds and the beasts of the forest
Were mute at the marvellous song,
But the monkeys crept out of the tree-tops--
An eager and wondering throng.
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The birds and the beasts of the forest
Kept hidden and silent that day,
But the monkey-folk formed a procession
And followed the minstrel away.
And thus did we give up the forest
To dwell with our brothers, the men--
Farewell to the beautiful jungle!
'Twas long ere I saw it again!
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PART SECOND.
THE WAYS OF MEN.
Then away to a far distant country
On a drift that they said was a ship,
And I studied the ways of my master
And profited much by the trip.
And we sailed to his home in fair Naples,
Where I studied the language of men,
And I sat on a bench with his children,
But soon we went sailing again.
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And I made some nice friends on the voyage,
And engaged in a pretty romance.
I charmed all the ladies by climbing,
And one of them taught me to dance.
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Yet often I longed for the jungle--
Its song and the rustle of wing--
And sometimes at night in my slumber
I talked with our elephant king.
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One morning my master awoke me,
And, dressed in a gaudy new suit,
I beheld the New World in the sunlight,
And lifted my hat in salute.
And then began troubles and trials--
Through the streets by a string I was led;
Toiling hard all the day for my master,
Yet oft going hungry to bed.
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But he sold me at last to a circus
And my lot became easier then,
So I gave many moments of leisure
To acquiring the habits of men.
I copied their manners and customs
I made of each fashion a note;
And the children admired my performance
And the ladies the cut of my coat.
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By and by I was sold to a banker
Who was charmed with my ball-rolling feat,
And arrayed in a Fauntleroy costume
I passed all my time on the street.
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But alas for my plans of the future!
He died without leaving a cent,
And I had to go out to hard labor
To pay for my victuals and rent;
Till I met with a gentleman's valet
Who was like me in manner and face,
And I told him some stories that pleased him
And bribed him to give me his place.
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Then I started to serve my new master--
A bachelor cynic was he,
Who quickly saw through the deception
And made a proposal to me.
Said he: "You're a monkey, you rascal,
And an excellent type of the brood;
Let's play a good joke on society
By passing you off as a dude."
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So he took me at first to his barber,
Who shaved me and shortened my hair,
And the last tangled trace of the jungle
Was gone when I rose from his chair.
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And then to his tailor and hatter--
His hosier and all of the rest,
Till at night I was changed from a monkey
To a chappie most stylishly dressed.
And standing alone and reflecting
I thought of the why and the how,
And I wondered what Tusky was doing
And what would the jungle say, now.
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PART THIRD.
THE BUTTERFLY WHIRL.
It was then for the triumphs of conquest!
Oh, then for the life of the swell!
I dwelt like a lord with my patron
In a suite of a gilded hotel.
And we went out to plays and to dinners--
On the ladies he took me to call--
And once we received invitations
To a beautiful fancy-dress ball.
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'Twas a famous affair and it won me,
With its titter and tinsel and tune,
For it carried me back to the jungle
And the monkey-dance under the moon.
Then I mingled with other diversions.
I learned how to paint and to ride;
I cut a great figure at polo--
The science of golfing I tried.
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As a wheelman I soon became famous
And made a great score on the track--
I was known as the king of the scorchers,
With the typical bicycle back.
Then a girl who was youthful and silly
Made love to me just for a lark,
And came with an elegant turnout
And took me to drive in the park.
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And I took her out boating next morning,
For the face of my charmer was fair;
It carried me back to the jungle--
To the flow'rs that were blossoming there.
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But soon, in the midst of my pleasure,
In the glow of a roseate dream,
The boat struck a rock and tipped over
And tumbled us both in the stream.
Then, ho, for the skill of the jungle!
The deftness of foot and of hand!
For I hung from a limb and I saved her
And drew her at last to the strand.
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And then to her home I went proudly
To claim the fair maid for my own,
But her father demanded a title,
And hardened his heart like a stone.
And now came the death of my patron,
That left me alone in the strife,
And yearning once more for the jungle,
I turned to political life.
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PART FOURTH.
THE RETURN PATH.
Then I studied a week to gain knowledge,
And waded through volumes of stuff,
And I found that the only requirements
Were cunning and blarney and bluff.
And these I had brought from the jungle--
Inherited straight from my race--
With a gift for political music
And a truly political face.
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Thus feeling at home in my labors,
My plan was successful, of course,
And when they came round with appointments
They gave me a job on "the force."
And such was my skill as a roundsman,
And talent in keeping the peace,
That I rose in a year to be Captain,
And then to be Chief of Police!
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And then, as my years were advancing,
So great was their honor and trust,
That they twined me a chaplet of laurel
And sculptured in marble my bust.
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Yet often I dreamed of the jungle--
Its song and the rustle of wing--
And sometimes still talked in my slumber
With Tusky, our elephant king.
When, lo, my political party,
That now was in power and supreme,
Conferred a most noble appointment
That realized all of my dream.
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For they made me their African envoy,
And soon I went sailing again,
To meet my old playmates and tell them
The ways and the customs of men.
To calm the dusk native, and gather
My people in sun-haunted nooks
To tell them my story, and teach them
The wisdom that cometh of books;
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The words and the ways of _their fathers_,
And deliver my race from its ban,
For man did not spring from the monkey,
But monkey _descended from man!_
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[Illustration]Project Gutenberg
The Autobiography of a Monkey
Paine, Albert Bigelow