HULL, U.K. — Extreme metal provocateurs Infant Annihilator are changing their name in an effort to minimize any association with the State of Israel and their ongoing efforts in Palestine, the band announced in a statement.
“We like to josh around and push the envelope with songs named things like ‘Cuntcrusher’ and ‘Childchewer’ but upon seeing a YouTube comment comparing us to Netanyahu because of our name, we found our moral limit,” admitted founding drummer Aaron Kitcher, who is reportedly working on his first album of children’s lullabies. “Now people think we are state-run media all because our name reflects the apparent policy of an actual country. We just want to sing fun songs about disemboweling the innocent; real genocide is no laughing matter.”
Fans of Infant Annihilator expressed some confusion at the sudden change of heart coming from their beloved deathcore band.
“I’m taken aback by Infant Annihilator expressing regret over, well, anything,” said longtime fan Lee Bletchley, who often comments on the band’s videos as xGoreShitter69x. “But I have to give the band props for doing the literal bare minimum of what is right in order to oppose one of the true, ongoing horrors of the world- unlike Radiohead. I hope IA resume their throat-shredding squeals and borderline impossible drum programming soon. In the meantime, I’ll relax by rewatching Salo for the sixtieth time.”
Members of the pro-Israel lobby chastised Infant Annihilator for the controversial renaming and offered suggestions on how to return to their good graces.
“Infant Annihilator changing their name is dangerous, cowardly, and frankly anti-Semetic,” stated AIPAC spokesperson Pauline Smith. “To accuse Israel of only annihilating infants is inaccurate and harmful. We are absolutely capable of killing adolescents, adults, and the elderly as well. We demand the band change their name to ‘Hamas Annihilator’ and release a track featuring Michael Rappaport and Brett Gelman doing rap verses. They might come out of this with a nice toe-tapper after all.”
As of press time, Infant Annihilator are rumored to be experiencing infighting over their two name option finalists: “The Great Spermfister Homicide” and “Hallowed Buffet of Anuses.”